comes from learning
that every tide
need not be yours
to get swept up in"
- a very wise M.
I have felt, for a long time, unsure of the path that lies before me, of the journey I have just begun. I have no clue as to what is in occurrence for this new year, what events I will come face to face with.
And I am scared.
For quite some time I could not admit that to myself. That I, L, was terrified of the unknown, of the black hole called future. I have no idea of what it holds, or what may be found on the other side.
And the terrifying truth is that I never will. I will never know what is just around the corner, what is under the bridge, or at the end of the tunnel.
See, I don't hold the map. I am blindly and timidly following along, catching my breath every time I bump into something, someone.
One can not live a life of what-if's and what-nots, wondering if what you just said or did was right.
And learning to accept that the people you love can come and enter and leave your life,
is the hardest thing of all.
I pray for strength, and courage. They are little seeds down deep in my heart, but the sunlight they need to grow is often burning hot, scorching my soul and causing my stomach to twist and turn.
Slowly, ever so slowly, my soul will adapt. It will become accustom to this uncomfortableness, and perhaps even find a twinge of mixed excitement in it.
Something so simplistic it is difficult.